Subbing For the President

With news that President Obama is coming to our very own Middlesex County here in New Jersey today, to promote a bill expanding loan programs and tax breaks for small businesses, it's not really shocking that people aren't focusing on the meat, but rather on the fixin's.

The president will make a stop at Tastee Sub Shop, an Edison mainstay in a heavily Democratic district (though more of the Hillary persuasion, probably—not that their policies differ, but due to a considerable dose of ingrained racism) populated by white working-class residents, and the largest population of South Asian immigrants in the United States. In fact, Mr. Obama's visit here is certainly an acknowledgement that, while Tastee is not Indian-owned, Indian businesses, families, and entrepreneurs have long contributed to economic revitalization as it has changed the cultural fabric in New Jersey.

And, of course, it's always a circus when the president—any president—comes to town. I've been near a handful of presidential visits in the past, and even covered one as a reporter, and, outside of the few minutes when the president is speaking, it's the residual stuff that gets people talking, that is, traffic (Tastee is near one of the worst four-way intersections on the planet), and if there's food, what's he eating?

Obama's a healthy guy, save a cigarette here and there, and if he orders tuna on wheat, he'll get criticized, but if he orders taylor ham, he'll be insincere. So what's he to do? We all know turkey is embedded in American symbolism -- hell, even Ben Franklin wanted it to be the national bird (it should have been just like Ray Charles's version of America the Beautiful should be the national anthem), so maybe the president gets a whole #7 with oven roasted turkey, with mustard, mayo, HOT peppers (regular peppers will be characterized as weenie), lettuce, but definitely no tomato, S&P, and vinegar. That's AMERICAN.

But it sounds pretty frackin' nasty.

How about a whole #2? Boiled Ham, Cappacola, and Cheese on italian bread? We like to boil things. It's the second oldest way to cook things (I'm just guessing) and it pleases a wide swath of cultures. But wait? Is it too exotic? Does the president say "Cappacola" as I, a Jersey Jew, would say "Coca Cola" or does he feign Jersey-style Italian lexicon and say "gabba-ghoul?" Nah, WAY too dicey.

OK -- I got it -- a standard: the #8: bologna and cheese. Classic, processed, and AMERICAN. That said, bologna and cheese is really only suitable on Wonder Bread, and while I don't think the president would ever get any flack for eating such a delectable lunch, he's at a sub shop, and you gotta order on sub bread. It's the rule, and bologna and cheese does not work on a submarine. It's the second rule.

Ham and cheese? Offensive. Sausage and meatball? Pandering. Pepperoni and cheese? Not a sandwich. Proccuttini, Cappacola, and Cheese? See reasons for not eating a #2. Roast Beef? It's good, but you can get it anywhere. All cheese sub? Do you want to lose in 2012? #5 -- a Super Sub, which is a 1, 2, 3 combo? Excessive. Might get messy.

While he's eating, I'll be listening for how New Jersey hopes to get out of its economic doldrums, with the state, one of the first to enter the Great Recession, is forecast to be among the last to get out of it. I'll also be listening for the administration's small business jobs proposals, including providing small banks with the capital and incentives to lend to small businesses for new equipment and expansion, loan guarantee programs and other initiatives that facilitate a small businesses' capacity to borrow from private lenders, creating tax incentives for small business looking to purchase new equipment or looking to expand, eliminating capital gains taxes for small business investors, and building on the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act (the federal stimulus) that made available money for small business loans as well as reducing the fees those businesses pay for those loans.

UPDATE: Video from the president's appearance:

Excerpt of President Barack Obamas speech in Edison

As for what the president eats, I hope he was true to himself and ordered tuna on wheat. I like my leaders to be healthy, drive fuel-efficient vehicles, and to emphasize the "opportunity" in "photo-op."

Photo: this pool hall is right around the corner from where the president will visit today in Edison. Maybe he'll pick up a game or two.